OH NO!

I just read through some of my earlier posts. And.. there is no mention of Aaron and I breaking up. There is no mention of any of the stupid shit throughout sophomore year. There's no mention about the beginning of me and Nate, kinda... WHAT!! That's important, dude.

June of 2009. I went to Foster Music Camp (FMC). And.. I kissed someone. Troy. So that was a big 'ole mess. I would explain more, but that is a 15-page story all on its own. To make it short, I felt really bad about cheating on Aaron, but then I felt it was the right thing to do to break up with him. So I did. I know, it was a crazy move where we had just gotten back together and everything. But then, on July 4, we basically told each other we wanted to get back together and I kissed him, which I think I might have mentioned that in an earlier post. But then, on September 21, three days after our one-year aniversary, I broke up with him. Again? I know. I'm horrible. Just gotta deal with my horribleness, I guess. But that was the last time we broke up. And now he's dating some really ugly emo girl named Heather. Good for them. He asked her out like 2-3 days after we broke up. Ass.

The whole summer of '09 Nate never spoke a word to me. But he was still on my mind. However, when school started back in August, things were kinda different. Kinda. At that point, Danielle was still going to our school (explain in a min). So, on the first day of school, it was mostly silence. Because I wouldn't talk to him. I mean.. I was really pissed off.. But he tried to get me to smell his bandaged hand (he had burned himself at work) at lunch, saying it smelled like the hospital. Err.. Okay. So, don't ask me why, but I smelled the stinkin' thing. Then, the next day, there was an assembly for sophomores (that was us). I sat between him and Leppy. We flirted the WHOLE time. We traded wristbands.. which I still have O_o. He said he would want to clone himself so the clone him could live the way he had to and the real him could live the way he wanted to with me. I mean, come on, that's sweet. But Tasha was sitting behind us. And she was one of Danielle's best friends. So of course she went and blabbed, blowing it way out of proportion. So Danielle freaks out on Nate. Whatever. Except that he listens to her, wtf? He comes up to me and tells me, with her semiclose behind him, that he can't talk to me anymore. And just walks away. I swear to God, every step he took away from me was another rip to my heart. Anyway. I don't know how long it was after that, maybe a few days or a week, but he kept talking to me. Secretly, through notes and phone conversations. Ugh.. I hated it, though. Finally, after Danielle cheated on him, he broke up with her. But we still weren't together yet. By now, it was fall break at school, and I was going to Myrtle Beach with my family (me, Mom, Eddie, Abby, Rachel, Kari, Nanna) and Terreasa, Laymon, Heather, and Trent. But I swear to you, we talked at any time we could. Seriously. All night. Until like 3:30am. And the only reason we got off the phone then was because he had to wake up early and go to work. He was so amazing to me then. The night I got home, we talked pretty much all night long. Then, on Labor Day, I'm pretty sure, because it was a Monday and around that time, we went to the park together and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I kinda flipped out and hugged him for my answer. Well, I whispered yes, but I don't think he heard me. Anyway, that's how it happened.

I love him more than anything in the world. But my heart still won't forget about how it used to be. I don't think it ever will. I mean, aren't the people who are actually worth your tears the ones who never make you cry? Ugh, I hate thinking about stuff like this.