Guysguysguysguysguys.

Could my life get anymore stressful? Oh no, I better not say that, or else something else might happen. Today, everything's been really confusing. No suprise there. So.

The other day, I was talking to Leppy about my whole situation. His advice was clear: Either stay with Aaron, or go back out with Austin, but he thought that Austin would ultimately be the better choice because he felt that he would be the person who could love me the most and treat me the best. When I told Leppy that I really just didn't have feelings for Austin anymore, he told me that I should at least just think about giving him a chance, since he's so "totally and completely in love" with me. Ugh. How is one supposed to handle that kind of information?! Well, I told Leppy I didn't know, but that it probably wouldn't happen, because I just didn't have any of those sorts of feelings for Austin anymore. Austin and I are doing wonderfully as friends. I didn't know it, but apparently Leppy tried to explain this conversation to Austin.

I found out today that Austin took this information incorrectly. He ended up thinking that I really did still have feelings for him. So today in sixth period, I had to explain differently, which was really hard, because I really do care about Austin's feelings. The conversation was held on paper. I'll write it down, but first I need to explain what was happening beforehand. On the way to my sixth period English class, Randa (who is cool :]) and Danielle (who is Nate's girlfriend who hates me :[) were walking behind us a good distance, and I knew automatically that Danielle was talking about me. So, I got Austin to go eavesdrop and see what Danielle was saying. When he got back into the classroom, he told me that I shouldn't worry about Randa: "Don't worry, Kati, you know that Randa would never talk bad about you." So, when I asked what Danielle was saying, the note-writing began. Oh, and Austin's kinda bad at spelling names, and really just spelling in general, but oh well, I'm going to type exactly how he was writing.

Austin: Randa did not say anything. but I eavesdropped on them and Daniel was saying that she is pissed at Nat because you were talking to him and Randa just kept telling her to calm down. When I asked Rand what all that was about she said "Nothing"

Then I told him out loud, because someone had said something about it, I don't remember, that I had talked to him on the phone last night.

Austin: Nat diddnt tell me he was calling you Im tired of getting lied to.

Then I asked him, out loud, what he was talking about.

Austin: Me and Nat have what we call crib friendship, "friends since we laid in the crib" and I told him to tell me everything and everytime I talk to someone else, It's a different thing. And he did tell me he had feelings for you, but he told me they died out, WTF.

Me: On Friday, he told me he told you that he really did still have feelings.

Austin: he never said it but he hinted it. IDK, I don't know half of this whole situation. I wish people would just stop and move on. Its really annoying.

Me: move on with what?

Austin: everyone crushing on you. Nat has daniel and so-on.

Me: oh. but the big deal there is that I like him, too. I like too many people. Didn't I tell you that?

Austin: NO. no one did, really?

Me: yeah..., I thought you knew.

Austin: No. clearly there is a lot I dont know but I ask myself why I care and I have no answer. I just do.

Me: you're upset?

Austin: Well... you know. why even ask. How I feel matters to no one, and Im hangin w/ Nat today.

Me: I care how you feel. What does that have to do with anything?

Austin: nothing. I dont understand anything right now. Im just gonna say leppy was lying 2 me.

I then asked him, out loud, about what was he lying.

Austin: He told me that he was tlaking to you - I didnt know about what - then I figured it out and just ask him about it and he tells me you had feelings for me. IDK anymore about anything.

Me: none of that made any sense at all. I don't want to talk to Leppy about it - why don't you just tell me?

Austin: He said you said that you still had feelings for me. Was he lying. I need to know.

Me: Yes, he did talk to me about it. No, I didn't say that. Austin, you know I love you, but not in that way. I think we get along so much better now than we ever have. Our relationship was pretty much non-existant. We never talked, or saw each other. You know that, right? We get along so much better now. Not that we ever fought before, but we just talk so much more now and it just seems like we're so much stronger than before, with us being friends.

Okay. honestly thats what I needed to hear.

End of note.

I really hate hurting his feelings, he seriously is one of the best friends I've ever had. Before that note even happened, he was talking to Lauren about how if he found out I didn't have feelings for him, then he would go to live in Michigan with his other family. After sixth period, he saw Lauren in the hallway and told her, "Yes, I'm definitely going to Michigan." Urgh, I don't want this kind of pressure! I don't want to be the only reason Austin would either stay in or leave Pikeville. I mean, of course I want him to stay, but I want him to stay because he wants to, and because all of his friends (including me) want him to, not just because I alone want him to. This is just all so stressful.

And on top of all that Austin business, I seriously think Nate's avoiding me. He won't talk to me at all in school, he hardly answers his phone when I call, and it's all because of Danielle. And she knows that I like him, and I don't see how on Earth she doesn't know that he likes me too, because, seriously, everyone else already knows because Nathan just tells everyone everything about his life, it seems. So I just don't know how she can be so sheltered from all of this. But she hates me, and she's just really mad at Nathan for talking to me. I guess she can just get over it? I'm not about to let a jealous girlfriend stand in my way. But if he keeps making me wait, then I just don't know what I'll do. I can wait a little while, which I have been doing, but I really can't wait forever. He needs to be deciding what he's going to do, and he needs to do so quickly.

Anyway. Today at school was pretty hectic with all the guy drama going on. School work's been pretty bad too. Reviews in every subject, since semester exams start tomorrow. I'm just thanking the Lord that our last day is Friday. Tomorrow's exams include seventh and fourth periods, which would be Algebra 2 and chorus for me, but I'm exempting from Alg. and I've already taken my chorus exam. So during exams tomorrow I'll have a free day. The only exam exam I have to take is Health. And the only reason I'm taking it is because as high school students, you're required to participate in at least two exams. I was going to do Computer Apps, but I saw the study guide for it and almost died. So I've decided to do Health instead. I'm really glad I'm not taking Alg., too. It looks pretty difficult. UGH. It just feels like at the end of the year, things should be winding down instead of winding up at a freakishly alarmingly fast rate. fkajfkajfdkjadf.

On the bright side, the pool is now open! Yay. It pretty much means that summer is now officially here. :D <3<3<3 I don't think that I've ever been more excited for summer vacation.

I think I've written enough for today.

Later,xoxo