Wah wah.

I'm stressed out all the way to the fucking max. I can't take it anymore. It's not just one big thing that I can just pinpoint and get rid of. It's all these tiny little things. I'm refraining from ranting my fingers off tonight, but I'm not sure quite how well that's going to work out.

First. Did I do a big freakout about how Will's going to Pikeville College and I was so super excited because he would get to stay near to me? Forget it. It's bullshit. Apparently, he's changed his mind. Again. It's not that he doesn't want to go to Pikeville that upsets me. It's that he's PLAYING WITH MY HEAD. Telling me one thing, then telling me another, then another, until I'm buried under a big pile of stupefaction. It's driving me absolutely up the wall. If he goes to UK, we're going to break up. I really wouldn't want us to. I want us to stay together. But I'm just trying to be real. It would be okay for the first couple of months, and then.. gradually, everything would start to decline. Distance just doesn't work out. It just doesn't. A year is a long time. A really long time, when you're thinking about high school relationships. Even when you're right next to each other it's a long time! Now add about two and a half hours of distance to that. Everything will crumble. It would all fall apart. And my confunded head has no idea what to think about any of it because every other second, he's made a new decision that he's "100% sure about this time." Right. Whatever.

Second. Mr. Brock is fired. WHAT?! One of my favorite teachers. One of the only teachers that even teaches at our school. Gone. And they're not looking for anyone to replace him. And my English teacher, Ms. Enix. This is crazy. I could talk for pages and pages about how my school system is falling apart.

Third. I don't get the purpose for life. It makes me apathetic and not want to do anything at all. There has to be some logical explanation as to why we as humanity are here. It's bothering my brain.

Fourth. Why do I keep getting so upset and unbearably sad at random? Nothing is wrong with me and everything is fine within the world, and then all of a sudden I'm crying my eyes out wondering why on earth I'm even alive. It's crazy.

Fifth. General stress, I guess. There's a bunch of stuff going on in my immediate family (Mom, Abby, and I) right now and that's also total chaos. It feels like my skull is too small for my brain. Help?

I guess I failed at the whole "not-ranting" thing. Eh well. The only person it's going to bother is me when I'm forty and I wanna look back on this stuff, cos that's about all who reads it anyway.. Haha.

I checked my Blogger comments a few minutes before starting on this post. Someone commented on an older post titled "Twilight Analogies" saying they had bookmarked my site. That made me happy :], though I wish they'd pay attention to newer rather than older posts. I'm always changing. It's so confusing.

I probably sound like a whiny sack of sourness right now. I can't help it :(. It will get better. It has to. If it gets any worse, I have no earthly idea what I'd do.

Ciao